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Ask R Dub!


So I’m not a doctor.  I’m not a psychologist.  I’m not a relationship expert by any means; but I seem to recieve a lot of calls from listeners asking me for love advice.  I can’t promise miracles, but I can give an objective view.  Hey, I’m human too–Lord knows I’ve made my share of mistakes.  I’ve learned from them and am still learning.  So if you’ve got a question for me, feel free to ask.  I’ll give you my best…

 

Dear R Dub!,I need some advice.  I am living with a guy that has a daughter.  For birthdays and holidays, he ALWAYS goes over to his daughter’s house, which means he is kicking it with his baby’s mamma.  At first, last year I let it go, thinking that maybe she wasn’t comfortable coming around me.  But she knows me very well now, and she has had many sleepovers at our house.  I feel he needs to pick up his daughter and bring her over to our house or else take her somewhere, not be staying for hours at his baby’s mamma’s house.  There is always that seed of mistrust in the back of my head, but then I don’t want to start any drama, so I don’t ever question him.  This past weekend, he went over to his daughter’s house on Saturday to color eggs with her and then on Sunday to see her for Easter.  Do you think that is wrong or am I just being a jealous girlfriend.  Thanks for the advice.  Keep on Slow Jammin’, I love it!
Dre

Phoenix, AZ

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Hey Dre,

Tough one.  You kinda got yourself in that situation by getting involved with someone who had kids already.  That being said, if you two have a healthy, open relationship, there’s nothing wrong with just telling him how you feel about the situation.  If he truly loves you, he should be able to work it out with you, and the two of you can come up with a solution that is good for you, him, and his daughter.  You sound like an understaning girlfriend, and him a great father–I feel you two can work everything out.  Make sense?

Best to you always,

R Dub!

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Dear R Dub!,

Hey, you seei have a Boyfriend  Well he’s in High School he’s 15 years old and im 14 years old and well he’s thinking about going to High School in Californa and i really dont want him to because what we have is real and i dont think i can let him go  he means the world to me and all but he all ready got except and he cant turn them down and well he told me and he asket me if i wanted him to stay or go i said go but thean whene i came home i cryed for hours and hours he didnt leave yet he leave in August I just want him to be Happy and to follow his dreams but I really dont want him to go and i cant tell him because i feel if i tell him that i might mess up his dreams and i really dont want that anouther thing is Im Pregnet with his kid and i really cant tell him that but i want to I dont have the strenth to I really want him to go to School and finsh but I just dont know what to do my Grandparents know about me being pregnut they think i should tell him but like i said i want him to follow his dreams i REally need help What do you think i should do? tell him about everything or not its just i really dont want to mess up his dreams he’s all ready been threw alot i mean Alot
Signed,Lost or Confused
Sacaton, AZ******Well, honesty, if you are having his child you have no other choice than to tell him.  He deserves to know, and now that he has a child, he has no choice but to stay at home and help raise the baby.  It was HIS fault as much as yours for not practicing safe sex, so now the both of you have to face the consequences and be responsible.
I am in no way judging you or him–I realize people make mistakes (hell, I’ve made some big ones too), but now you must face your problems head on and do the right thing.  Running from them will only make your problems worse.
Best of luck to you.  Do the right thing,
R Dub!—————Dear R Dub!,

I have a problem that maybe you can help me with.  I’ve been with my man for eight months and I love him more than life itself but the problem is that he’s in Vegas and I’m in Arizona.  It’s hard to see him all the time because of his job.  I miss him like crazy because I haven’t seen him in three months.  My parents don’t like him.  Overall, problems keep coming up.  What should I do??? Should I give up on him and find someone that is not long distance?  Please help me!

Thank You!

Becky
Tucson, AZ

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Dear Becky,

Well, long distance relationships are always tough, but if you really want to make it work, I think you should try.  You guys really aren’t that far apart.  A plane ride to Vegas is cheap and quick, so I say try to go and see him every month; and he should try and go to Arizona and see you every month…that works out to be every two weeks you’ll see eachother!  How easy is that???  Plus Southwest Airlines has a great “frequent flyer” program, that means you both can earn free flights.

Thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!—————Dear R Dub!,First of all I wanna show some love for your show.  It rocks!  But I have a question for you.  But I have heard rumors from his ex and other people including my friends.  He says he loves me and doesn’t wanna let me go but my friends keep telling me stuff like they seen him holding hands with his ex and he denys it.  Plus he barely even calls me.  What should i do?Much love 2 u!Jocelyn
Rialto, CA

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Dear Jocy,

You ever heard a song called “They Don’t Know” by Jon B?  It’s about not listening to the silly rumors and lies that the jealous people spew.  People are always gonna try to bring you down when they see you have a good thing.  Do YOU trust him?  That’s all that counts.  If you are with him, you should trust him, and that’s all that matters.  Cut these fools off before they spit out anymore garbage and tell them to mind their own bees-wax!

As far as him not calling you–it takes two!  Give him a call.

Thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!

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Dear R Dub!,

First off I would like to give you props for your show.  I love it and I listen all the time!

I need some advice!  I’m really feeling this guy and he says he’s sprung off me but I don’t know if it’s real cuz he just got out of a three year relationship and he really loved this girl.  I know he still has feelings for her and I think I’m just this rebound, but it’s so hard to tell cuz we always talk and he says he misses me all the time and he says he’s sprung off me and he doesn’t know if hes trippin’ or what, but it might be love so I don’t know.  What do you think?

Thanks a lot,Christina
Fresno, CA******Dear Christina,Thanks so much for listening Christina, and for the kind words!
Hey, I say if you’re feelin’ this guy, and he’s feelin’ you, go for it.  You don’t have to get all serious right away.  Take your time and get to know him, and have some fun!  Make him take you out somewhere nice for some free food!  LOL!
Thanks for Slow Jammin’,
R Dub!
—————Dear R Dub!,
Would first like to show love for you and your show!  Big ups on the music–it’s gotten me through alot, thanks again.  Here it goes, excuse the lengthiness but I really need your opinion.  I have been with this guy for about a year and 5 months now.  Seems like we’ve had more downs than ups.  Here recently he started to act more and more distant.  He’s not as affectionate as he used to be and seems to be annoyed by my company, although he’s the one that initiates our time together.  We are with eachother every single day, there’s times where I stay at his apartment with him for a week straight.  I’m not sure if that’s what’s causing him to be distant and sometimes short with me.  I sometimes feel insecure and start to wonder if maybe he’s getting bored with me.  Even though he denies it and reassures me that he loves me and doesnt want to be with anyone else, his actions speak louder than words.  He lives with a roommate who is a playa everyday of the week…I can’t help but too wonder what goes on when I’m not around.  There are times when I’m over there and the phone will ring and he hesitates to answer it.  Some occassions he doesn’t answer it cause he claims it’s one of his roommates ex’s.  Everytime we go somewhere together his eyes wander and he makes it so obvious. We can’t even go to clubs anymore without an arguement.  We get home and the first thing he checks is the caller id, yet he claims no one calls him but me.  There are times where I feel like he’s being totally dishonest with me even though he swears up and down he’s not and he’s completely faithful to me.  He has been talking about moving in together–yet I’m not sure if I should only because I dont think he’s financially responsible enough.  He doesn’t have a vehicle and works when the weathers nice.  I can’t help but to wonder if he has me around cause I’m “convenient” in that sense.  I get him where he needs to be and buy him things.  The most I’ve gotten from him is a meal from McDondalds.  I feel like as time progresses the more it is necassary for me to prove my loyalty to him.  He is quick to drop me when his roommate has plans for a night out.  When his roommate is not around, I’m around.  I feel like it’s a constant battle over who wins his time.  His way of reassuring me that he doesn’t want to be with anyone else is telling me straight up if he didn’t want to be with me he wouldn’t be with me.  I see his point but, at the same time I see mine.  Not sure if im overreacting or just being naive.  What do yout think?
So confused,
Mariposa
Riverside, CA******Dear Mariposa,I think you should dump him and get with me…you sound like a great girlfriend!Nah, but seriously, you seem like a great girl that deserves a lot better.  I will tell you though, from a guy’s point of view, sometimes we don’t realize what we have until it’s gone.  This guy might really be the “one” for you, but it just might be taking him a while to really see what he has and appreciate it.  I’ve been a fool before too, and not realized what a great girl I had, right in front of me, until later on.  This guy might really love you, so maybe you should just give it a little time.Then again, he could be pimpin’ on the side like the Bishop Magic Don Juan!!!

Use your best judgement and best of luck!

R Dub!

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Dear R Dub!,

I need some advice.  There is this guy name Anthony that I really like.  Well see he is my ex-boyfriend’s best friend and my cousin’s crush.  He and my cousin had sex a lot.  Well he ended everything with her and now me and him have something.  But my cousin cant get it through her head that he don’t feel her anymore.  We want to tell her that me and him are together now.  But how could we do that?  There’s a twist to the story–my old friend is pregnant and she thinks it’s by him!  Well she got mad when she found that me and Anthony are dating now.  We been together for about 2 months.  How can we tell my cousin, my ex-boyfriend, and the chick that is pregnant?  We have decided to move in together.  Well see he already has a daughter and then maybe the one on the way.  Me and him want the other people out of the picture!  What should we do?  I NEED SOME ADVICE!!!

Franchisca Estrada

Tulsa, OK******
Dear Franchisca,

Well, I would be asking myself, “Is it any of their business?”  I don’t think so.  It is your life, and your decision.  You don’t owe them any explanation.

Here’s the REAL advice: make this guy wear condoms!!!  It seems like he is having kids left and right and not being very careful.  If you are going to be intimate with him, the two of you should get tested, and then use protection.  Don’t go gettin’ yourself pregnant!  You have too much in store for your future!!!
Thanks for Slow Jammin’,R Dub!—————Dear R Dub!I got myself in a mess and don’t really know what to do right now.  I am currently dating a guy that I have been on and off with for about a year now, and I really do love him and he loves me.  We both decided that we don’t want to lose each other and have plans for US and a family, marriage, etc.  The thing is I have been messing around on him with this guy at work; I feel bad and hate to kiss my boyfriend knowing that I kissed this other guy not too long ago.  What should I do?  Stop this fling on the side or tell my man and be straight up?
Angel Eyes
Albuquerque, NM

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Dear Angel Eyes,

Oooooh, you naaaaaasty!  Just playin’.  For real, it looks like you’re just not ready to settle down, of you’re kissin’ up some other dude.  You should either tell your man that you want to see other people, or be faithful to your him.  If you really love your man, you need to do some serious thinking.  Know that cheating on him is the quickest way to lose him forever.  Is it worth it?

Thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!

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Dear R Dub!,

I had a girlfriend for about a year and we both fell in love with each other.  I was her first boyfriend and first love.  I made the foolish mistake of cheating on her with an old friend and eventually ended up telling her.  She took me back and we were having an up and down type relationship for a couple months.  Then all of the sudden she ended it and she won’t talk to me or see me.  I really love this girl so much and miss her.  She said she just wanted “time and space.”  I’m just going crazy over it.  I miss her so much and I don’t know what to do.  Do you think she will ever give me another chance or how could I get her to?  I just can’t give up on it.

Spence
Phoenix, AZ******Spence,Well, you messed up a good thing, but props to you for being a man and owning up to your mistake–it takes a realman to do that.  That being said, maybe your lady just needs some time to decide what she wants.  If you haven’t already, do something really special and sweet for her–whether it’s flowers, a moonlight serenade outside her window, or a singing telegram–do something unique to make her smile and show her you still care.  After that, it’s in God’s hands.  She might need some time apart to re-evaluate the situation, but don’t force it.  If it’s meant to be, it’ll happen.Thanks for Slow Jammin’,R Dub!

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Dear R Dub!,Okay, me and my man have been together for almost three months, and as in every relationship, we do have our ups and downs. What does it mean if you are totally in love with this guy but your family is not too fond of him?  They think he is using me but I know he’s not because he has gotten many chances to cheat on me and break up with me but he hasn’t.  He went back to his home town and had nothing in Arizona but me and came back to me.  What should I do?  I don’t want to leave him but I do care about what my family thinks.
SunShine
Phoenix, AZ******Hey Sunshine,I don’t know your man, so I can’t really say–only you can make that decision.  I will say that sometimes people looking in from the outside (like your family, in this case) sometimes see things that you might not see.  Unless your fam is nothing but a bunch of haters, which I don’t think they are, there must be somereason that they think this guy is bad news.  So I’m not saying leave him–just take a look at the whole scenario.Thanks for Slow Jammin’,R Dub!

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Dear R Dub!,

I wanted to e-mail you because I need your advice.  I am in love with my aunt’s boyfriend and he is in love with me too.  I knew him and dated him before he went out with my aunt.  Every time when my aunt is not around he is always with me.  The bad news is that I had sex with him when she was at work.  I can’t stop loving him.  I feel good when he is around.  I want to tell my aunt but I do not want to hurt her.  Every time I try to get the chance to tell her in private something always interrupts us (the phone, someone showing up, or him showing up.)  WHAT SHOULD I DO?  I have told her once that he is cheating on her with me.  She does not believe me.  She tells me “Your just jealous that he is with me.”  I SERIOUSLY NEED HELP!  Thanx for the music!

Angel Maltos
Sanger, CA
******Dear Angel,Ooooh weeeee!  That’s some drama!  Didn’t I see you on Jerry Springer last week.On the real though–how old is this guy?  If he’s with your aunt he must be a lot older, right?  And what makes you think that he won’t cheat on you, if he’s cheating on your aunt?  Those are just some questions I would be asking if I were you.If you still want to be with him (while he’s with your aunt), I wouldn’t worry about your aunt anymore, because you did tell her the deal–she just didn’t listen.  Good luck with whatever you decide to do…just don’t be bringin’ any kids into this drama, ya heard?

Thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!

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Dear R Dub!,

I like this guy a lot but he has a girlfriend, and he likes me a lot!  He’s even kissed me and everything.  He wants to move on and so do I but I don’t know, he has a girlfriend!  Please help!  What should I do?  Thank you very much.

Annonymous
Palm Springs, CA

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Dear Annonymous,

Open your eyes!  Abra tus ojos!  He’s a playa…a pimp…a gigalo.  It’s all good, though–I ain’t hatin’ on him.  He’s doin’ his thang.  I say just be friends and see where it goes–just know he has a chick who he’s comin’ home to and lovin’ full-time, and that’s not you.  If you’re cool with that, there’ll be no problems!

Thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!

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Dear R Dub!,

I had a boyfriend a while back and we were together for a while. but he cheated on me and we broke up. He ended up going out with the girl that he cheated on me with, but soon enough she cheated on him. When they broke up he started talking to me again and we ended up seeing eachother once in a while. It now has been 2 years since we broke up and I still have strong feelings for him. He also told me that he still likes me, but neither of us have done anything about it. Both of us have gotten mad at eachother because of the fact that I was seeing other guys and he was seeing other girls, but we haven’t had a seriuos relationship with anybody else.  I have had the chance to be with other people, but I always think about him. Why do I do that? Some of my friends tell me I am stupid for being “stuck on him”, but other of my friends tell me that I should try to be with him again. I would like to try it again, but I don’t know if we are ready. I know I still like him, but sometimes I feel like he doesn’t even though his friends always tell me he talks about me. I just need your help R Dub. PLEASE!!

Still Stuck

Coalinga, CA******Dear Still Stuck,Listen, everybody makes mistakes, right?  Two years is a long time when you’re young–and most people can do a lot of growing up within that time.I say give it a second time.  There must be somereason that you and he are still thinking about eachother.  Hey, maybe it will work out, maybe it won’t.  At the very least, at the end of the day you’ll have closure and can move on with your life.Thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!

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Dear R Dub!,Okay, well let’s start from the top.  There’s this guy at my school who will not stop asking me out.  I always tell him no because I’m taken and that he doesn’t appeal to me that way, but he won’t stop doing it.  How should I tell him to stop asking me out?

Puro Amor,

Rachel
Salinas, CA

******

Dear Rachel,

Tell him you have herpes.

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Dear R Dub!,
Okay, I met this awesome guy, he’s perfect, but the problem is he is so innocent.  Dont’ get me wrong, I like him a lot but I’m more wild and spontaneous and not a virgin…let’s put it at that…and he’s an 18 year old virgin.  I was his first kiss and everything.  He doesn’t plan on having sex til he’s married.  I  dont’ know if I can deal with that.  It’s horrible.  If he can’t fulfill my needs I’m gonna eventually end up hurting him.  Help!Breezi
Sacramento, CA******Breezi fo’ sheezy,Good for you for thinking about this poor guy’s feelings–that iscool of you.  Listen, guys like that are hard to find.  Wouldn’t you rather have a nice guy like that, than a player that’s out there gettin’ it from every girl out there?  That being said, I do understand that you like sex, and there’s nothing wrong with that.  There are a few options that come to mind:1) Corupt this innocent guy, take his virginity, and give him the ride of his life (I don’t recommend)2) You can still get freaky without going all the way, ya feel me?  There’s other things you can do to satisfy eachother without him having to lose his virginity.  (E-mail me if you need suggestions or diagrams)

3) You can stay with him and just try controling your hormones.  Hey, with all the STD’s out there, abstainance isn’t such a bad idea!

4) You can let him go.  I almost think he might be better suited in the long run with a girl that shares his values about sex after marriage, ya know?

Only you can decide.

Be safe, and thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!

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Dear R Dub!,

I have this friend who treats me like I’m his girlfriend.  We share secrets, advice, financial stuff, and even sleep together.  The problem is he says he will never let this progress past a friendship.  He constantly professes his undying love for another girl who is currently in a relationship with another man.  I have fallen completely in love with this guy, but should I just give up on him?
Twisted
Dallas, TX
******Dear Twisted,Look on the bright side–you GOTTA give this guy credit for being honest and upfront with you!  So many guys woould rather lie and decieve, and this dude is straight up with you–that’s cool!  Now whether you want to continue givin’ up the booty to him is up to you.  Sounds like you’re a really cool chick.  Maybe one day he’ll come around and realize how much you care about him and make a commitment.  For now, if you enjoy spending time with him, I say don’t stress.Thanks for Slow Jammin’,R Dub!—————

R Dub!,Thank you for the music, it brings me a piece of mind when I listen to you.  I’m in the military stationed at Ft. Huachuca, AZ and I’m from tucson.  I just got back from a 14 month tour in Iraq.  Once again thank you for all that you do.SGT Nathan A Chism
US Army, Military Police******Sgt Chism,

No man, THANK YOU!!!  Thank you for helping defend this great country and for putting your life on the line to keep my family safe from harm.  It is my pleasure to play Slow Jamsfor you.We support you!!!
R Dub!—————

Hey R Dub!,

I was with this guy for 16 months and we broke up about five months ago, but we still mess around.  Now he has a girlfriend that he says he might marry, but i dont know if he still likes me or if he is just using me.  I love him a lot and I think it could work but I don’t know what to do with him getting married and the fact that he only calls or comes over once every 2 weeks.
Jenn
Lubbock, TX******Dear Jenn,Two words:  BOOTY CALL.  Sorry–I hate to break it to you, but that’s exactly what this smells like.  Let’s see: 1) He has new girlfriend he’s going to marry, 2) He still messes with you, and 3) He visits you once every two weeks.  Damn, the playa’s got you on a SCHEDULE too!  Yes Jenn, that’s a bone-a-fied Boo-Tay Call!  But hey, I’m not hatin’ on the brother.  If you enjoy the sex on the side, then there’s no need to trip.  Just be realistic about things and take it for what it’s worth.  And USE CONDOMS!Thanks for Slow Jammin’,R Dub!

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Dear R Dub!,I’ve been with my man for about a year and a half.  Like any relationship, we have our ups and downs.  The thing is, he’s really possesive with me.  He’s very over protective too.  He’s the type of person that gets pissed off over any little thing.  If I can’t get to the phone, he gets mad and accuses me of doing something wrong.  I have to tell him where I was, what I was doing and practically every little detail of what I did that day.  I love him with all my heart and I want to be with him, but sometimes I do feel like this isn’t meant to be.  I’m always trying to put his happiness before my own.  There are alot of times where I’ve tried to break up with him, but he just goes crazy and threatens to hurt or kill himself.  He’s attempted to cut himself before because I broke up with him.  It’s like he’s obsessed with me.  I don’t know what to do!  I feel that we need time apart, but I can’t breakup with him cuz I’m afraid he’ll hurt himself again.  I don’t wanna deal with this forever but I also don’t want him to go as far as taking his own life if I do leave him.  I pray all the time hoping things will change but so far he’s still the same.  What do I do to get him to stop being so possesive and controlling.  And if he doesn’t change, how do I get out of this without his threats?  Please help!

Annonymous
Little Rock, AR

******

Dear Annonymous,

Run.

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Hey R Dub!,
I’ve know my ex for about four years now.  We want to be together but he lives in New Mexico.  I finish school in four months and he asked me to move in with him over there.  His family and I get along and they are always asking me to go to New Mexico and visit.  I’m not sure if I can just leave my family here in California, but I want to be with him, he’s my first and only love and I dont want to throw that away.  What do you think i should do?

Thank you R Dub i love your show keep up the good work.

Marta
Modesto, CA******Hi Marta,Just packing up and leaving everything behind to move thousands of miles away isa tough decision.  You might love it, but then again, what if it sucks and now all of a sudden you’re stuck somewhere far away from home???My idea: Live out there for the summer.  Tell your boyfriend you just want to stay with him awhile, but don’t make any commitments.  Then, see if you like it and take it from there.  If you’re not feelin’ it, you know that you’re coming back home at the end of the summer.  If you love it, you can always stay!
Thanks for Slow Jammin’!

R Dub!

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Hey R Dub!,

R, I have a really hard time meeting guys.  I’m really shy and not the prettiest girl out there, and when I do find a guy that I like and we go out he usually cheats on me.  What shold I do?
Amanda
Wasilla, Ak
P.S. I love your show!

******

Hi Amanda,

The answer is simple…stop “looking.”  You don’t find love…it finds YOU.  I’m sure you’re a great girl and will find a great guy who will treat you with the love and respect you deserve!

Thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!

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Hey R Dub!,

I’m in love with my man but he has a baby and me and the baby’s mom don’t get along at all.  What should I do about that?Jessica
San Diego, CA******Hey Jessica,What does his baby’s mom have to do with you?  You’re dating him, not his ex.  I don’t think you should worry about it at all.  Just keep the focus on keeping your man happy.Thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!

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Hi R Dub!

I liked this guy the second I saw him.  He made my heart beat fast, and I couldn’t help but smile all the time when ever he’s around.  He asked me out and I told his yes.  But shortly after that I broke up with him because he had sex with another girl.  But I wanted to remain friends.  I really still liked him after that, and he asked me out again, and promised me his player days were over.  So I said yes, again. We’ve been together for awhile now and so far he hasn’t played me but I’m not sure if saying yes to him again was the right thing to do.  What do you think?  And thanks for doing Slow Jams every Sunday.

annonymous
Albuquerque, NM

******Dear Annonymous,Only time will tell if your man is being true to you.  I like to give people the benefit of the doubt.  People do change, and hopefully your guy is staying true to you, especially after he saw how much he hurt you when he cheated before.  Only you can decide what is right for you in this case!Thanks for Slow Jammin’,R Dub!————— 

Dear R Dub!,

I am a sophmore in high school and I feel some sort of passion for older girls.  I am attracted to juniors and seniors.  When I get a girlfriend my age, I keep thinking about certain older girls.  The problem is, it’s harder to get these older beauties’ attention.  Can you help me out on some tips here please.
annonymous
Chico, CA******Dear Annonymous,Grow a beard!  Ahhh, just playing!  Older women, huh?  I feel ya on that one, but in High School it is tough to find girls who will date the younger guys.  Listen…for now, I would just not worry about it too much, and spend time with the same-aged girls that are interested in you.  It won’t be long before you’re a grown adult and wishingyou could be with girls that are half your age, ya feel me?Thanks for Slow Jammin’,R Dub!

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Hey R Dub,

I’m concerned.  Every time I tell my boyfriend “I love you, I miss you, I want to see you,” he always tells me, “No you don’t,” as if he knows how I feel.  Why do you think he would say that?  Please Help.  I want to try to make things work between us.
Cynthia
Tucson, Arizona******Dear Cynthia,When people play silly games like that, they’re usually just trying to get attention.  Have a talk with him and let him know it bothers you when he questions your words of love so often.  Ask him why he does it, and let him know you want it to stop.  If he doesn’t stop, then stop telling him those nice things.  He’ll figure things out pretty soon, and change his ways if you refuse to put up with his silliness.Thanks for Slow Jammin’,R Dub!

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Dear R Dub!,

I’ve known this girl for about 3-4 years and she recently got out of prison, while in there she told me to stay away from her family and to never write to her again.  She thought that I told the whole world of her recent misfortune, when in all reality it was her friend from high school.  The point is, when she got out, that weekend I went to her house intending to obtain closure…Well I got some, (closure, that is!).  But I left her, feeling that something could still possibly happen between us.  Whether it be now or twenty years from now, I  know that she was the one for me if she would just learn how to deal with her issues or whatever it is that she’s holding on to.

What do I do?  Should I give her space for her to figure out what she has to do?  Or just forget about what I feel in my heart? OR…..make an effort to make her smile or talk to me when we happen to run into eachother in the club???  WHAT THE HELL DO I DO?????????????

Confused and hopeless
Tucson, AZ

******

Dear C&H,

Sounds like you really love this girl!  Unfortunately it sucks when the other person isn’t “on the same page” as you.  You stated that you’ve obtained your “closure,” so I say you just chill for awhile.  Hopefully during that “closure,” you were able to tell her your feelings and how much you care about her, and will always love her, right?  Trust me, even though she’s not ready to settle down with you right now, I believe that she’ll “store” that piece of information you gave her in her head somewhere.  You’ve done all you can do for now.  Let her go, experience life, and if things are “meant to be,” she’ll be calling you one day when she’s ready for a good man.  Best of luck to you homey.

Thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!

—————

Hey R Dub!,

I was reading your “ask R Dub!” letters and felt that maybe I should write something because I would like your opinion.  I have been with my fiance’ Thomas for a year and a half now.  We have been engaged for two months now.  Lately though, we have been fighting and things are said that I can’t get out of my mind.  They are hurtful, but I try to swallow it up and move on with the next day.  I don’t let him know because I guess I don’t want to know what his response might be.  We’re both not violent and he hasn’t hit me, but how should I tell him that what he says when we fight I can’t let go of it?  Thank you so much for being a listening ear and thank you for making my Sunday Nights important.
Sincerely,
Kim Heikkinen
Oroville, CA******Hi Kim,The way I see it, you have to tell him how his words make you feel, or things will just get worse.  Sometimes us guys don’t even realize we’re being jerks unil something is said.  Look, marriage is a big deal, and if you want things to work out in the long run, you have to have good communication.  Be honest.  Tell him what’s on your mind.  Keeping feelings inside will only hurt the both of you sooner or later, so get brave and spit it out!
Thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!

—————

Dear R Dub!,

I live in Texas and five months ago I broke up with my boyfriend and we had still been messing around but I found out that he and his girlfriend of four months are getting married.  When I think about him all I can do is cry and I’m depressed.  I don’t know what to do!  I dont want him getting married!

Annonymous
Lubbock, TX

******

Dear Annonymous,

Yes!  You need to speak your mind and do it quick!  Worst case scenario, he laughs at you and gets married anyway–so what?  But what if you don’t say anything, and it turns out this was the guy for you?  I say go for it.  Tell him how you feel and let the rest fall into place.  Who knows what will happen, but why stay silent–you’ll forever wonder “what could have been?” if you don’t speak up!

Thanks for Slow Jammin’

R Dub!

—————

Dear R Dub!,

I would like to know what you think of the situation I’m in.  There’s this guy that I met a month ago.  This past Satrurday was the first time we met face to face.  He says that he loves me for my presonality and he really didn’t care how I looked.  He lives in Riverside and is going to come here to Calexico in three months.  I’m going to start seeing him every two weeks. He tells me he trusts me and when he asks if I trust him, I tell him I do, but deep down inside I’m not sure.  My problem is I don’t want to get hurt.  Everytime I start liking a guy they end up hurting my feelings.  What should I do?Maria
Calexico, CA******Dear Maria,Of course you don’t want to get hurt!  Who does?  But the minute you begin holding back your feelings and keeping your trust from every new relationship you enter, you are destined for a path of lonliness.  It’s a fact–you will get hurt, maybe many times, before you meet the right guy.  Everyone has not so good experiences before they meet the person that’s right for them.  Just know that one day you will meet someone who will never hurt you.  Hell, it might even be thisguy!  But of you hold back and close yourslef up, you might never know.Thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!

—————

Dear R Dub!,

I moved to the valley in November and began seeing a coworker about a month after.  We hung out often and have had so many good memories together.  We were definitely more than just friends, but not official bf/gf.  He also told two of my closest coworkers that he was ready to have a serious relationship with me, but wanted their opinion about what my answer would be.  Well, everything was fine until about 3 weeks ago when his ex-girlfriend filled in at our work for a week–Then all of a sudden he was “too busy” to see me.  I didn’t think anything of it, since he was still “busy” even after his gf stopped filling in at our store.  Well, the other night I was at another store and saw that she was filling in there!  It wouldn’t be a big deal except for the fact that she lives in a different town.  So, I drove by his house one night after work, only to see her truck at his house.  The problem is I still have to work with him, and I don’t know what to say to him.  He doesn’t know that I saw her truck there, because I haven’t talked to him since that, and I also changed my number.  What should I say to him, and should I tell his ex girlfriend?  He never said anything about ever getting back together with her, which is why it was such a shock.  Please help!!!
Heartbroken
Phoenix, AZ


******

Dear Heartbroken,

Sounds like this is just a guy that isn’t sure what he wants.  If you really care for him that much, ask him what the deal is, straight out.  Don’t beat around the bush–ask him what’s up (except for the part about driving by his house at night–he might think that’s a little “physco!”)  Give him a chance to let you know what’s really goin’ on, before you write him off.  You’ll be able to tell if he’s bein’ sincere or just giving you the run-around.

Thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!

—————

Dear R Dub!,

I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. When i frist met him it felt like love at first sight. We have a 7 month old little girl. I love him more than anything in this world but theres a problem. A big problem, my mom. My mom dosen’t like him because he has been in trouble with the law and he got me into some stuff. I have no hard feelings towards him because I know he didn’t mean to get me in it but she does. He’s wanting to get married and I want to marry him but I don’t know if I can tell my mom. She tells me shes not gonna have much to do with me if I stay with him. Neither one likes each other and i’m stuck in the middle. Can you help out with this one.
Teresa
Knoxville, TN******

There are so many variables in this problem.  You have a daughter together, so it would be best for you two to stay together, if you can make it work.  Now that you have a child, it’s not what’s best for you, your man, or your mom–you have to put your child first now.  I think if you explain that to your mom she would (or at least should) understand and have some compassion.  Make sure your man has his act together (for your daughter’s sake) and explain to your mom how he has changed for the better.  I think it will work out if you always remember who’s number one in your life–your daughter.

Thanks for Slow Jammin’,
R Dub!
—————Dear R Dub!,A few weeks ago I broke up with my boyfriend that I was with for 9 months.  I told him that we could still be friends and that he could still call me.  Lately he’s been calling me and he always asks if I have found someone else.  I feel bad and I always tell him that I haven’t, but the truth is that I have!  I don’t have the guts to tell him the truth and I feel guilty!  It’s just that I don’t want to hurt him any more.  I tell him that he should move on and find someone else, but he doesn’t want to!  He says that he’ll always love me and only me!  And he doesn’t plan to look for anyone else cause he really wants to get back with me.  I don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to tell him that I’ve already moved on…
Please help me!
Angelica
Tucson, AZ******Hi Angelica,You’re faced with a tough decision.  You can either try not to hurt him, by leading him on for ever; or tell him the truth, knowing how crushed his heart will be.  Both choices are tough, but it’s up to you to do what you think is right.  There’s no easy answer to this one.  If you ask me, I’d say choose the second.  It’s like pulling off a band-aid.  Do it quick–it will hurt like hell at first, but then at least it’s over with all at once.Thanks for Slow Jammin’,R Dub!

—————


I need advice!  There is this guy I have known for about 2 years now we have been friends and a little bit more, but he can’t make up his mind if he wants to be with me and I cant wait for him forever.  What should i do?  I really care about him but I can’t wait for him forever.

Sincerely,

Deez_Angel4lyfe
Phoenix, AZ

******

You should move on with your life.  I truly believe that if it’s meant to be, it will happen, even if you move on temporarily.

Thanks for Slow Jammin’,
R Dub!—————R Dub!,
Question…I am messing with a married woman and I’m wondering if i am doing the right thing?  I love this girl with all my heart. We’ve known each other for about a year.  I’m worried about her family not approving of me and some of my family not approving of her.  Everytime I see her i get butterflies like a school boy.  She is the best thing that has ever happened to me.  We are the best of friends and have never turned our backs on each other.  We went our seperate ways at one point in time and she got married.  Now she is back in my life and I am wondering if I should take the chance on being with her?  I know in my heart that I will never stop loving her.  What is a man to do?  Can you give me some advice?  Please!
anonymous******Dear Sancho,I can give you advice, but you’re not gonna like what you hear.  Dude, she’s MARRIED!!!  That means she took a vow to love somebody else and stay faithful to that person forever.  Now look, I’m not saying you’re the first person to ever mess around with someone who’s married, and I’m not judging you.  But when you you start talking about actually being in love with that married woman and wanting to have a relationship with her–homey that’s just not realistic.  She has a husband that she comes home to every day.  Look, I’m not telling you how to live your life, but as far as making this girl your full-time partner, she’s gotta lose the husband, unless you just plan to keep this thing on the down-low forever.  And even if she DOES leave her man, and get with you–how do you know she will be faithful to you?  Obviously right now she is lying and decieving her husband.  How sure are you that those aren’t characteristics she will have forever?  Only you can decide what’s best–I just wanted to give you an objective view.  Follow your heart…but use your head.Thanks for Slow Jammin’,R Dub!

—————

Dear R Dub!,

I have fallen in love with my best friend.  The problem though, is that I’m still very confused about whether or not I do want a relationship with him. You see he is 4 years my senior and I am still in high school. Everyone keeps telling me that I still don’t know what love is and that I shouldn’t worry about it, but I myself know that deep down inside I love this person more than anything in the world. I finally got the strength to tell him how I felt and he honestly told me that he would like a relationship with me but I was too young. I told him I understood and went on being his friend; but about 6 months ago he finally told me he loved me and wants to spend the rest of his life with me.  It’s hard enough having a long distance friendship with him but I still feel confused about whether or not I should accept his proposal and wait 3 to 4 more years for him or to listen to what everyone is telling me and to not go through with the proposal and experience life. I seriously love him but in another aspect I feel like if I do spend the rest of my life with him, will I be missing out on anything?  Is everyone right? Will I be making a mistake by accepting his proposal. Please help!

 

Felixa

Tucson, AZ

******

Dear Felixa,

What do you mean when you say “proposal?”  Marriage proposal, or just a proposal for a relationship?  I understand you have pretty strong feelings for this guy, but that doesn’t mean you have to commit to a lifetime relationship right from the get-go.  I mean, to go from “just friends” to life partners overnight seems very rushed.  If you truly love eachother, you will have a lifetime together, including taking steps forward–so I wouldn’t rush anything.  Why don’t you start with just dating?  Keep it casual.  Take it from there and see what happens.  Whatever you do, don’t stress over it.  Take your time and enjoy things!

Best of luck,

R Dub!

—————

R Dub!,

I just want to know do you believe in love at first sight?[no name given]******Hey there,Do I believe in love at first site?  Absolutely.  But I also believe in lust at first site.  I’ve thought I was in love before, after seeing someone for the first time–you get butterflies in your stomach, you make eye contact, it seems like magic…but it’s only love if it lasts.  It’s easy to get caught up in physical attraction at first, and really believe that you are in love with a person, but I believe that true love takes time.  I’ve thought I’d really “found the one” before, only to really get to know that person and realize that they were not for me at all.  What I’m trying to say is, it’s great to have that incredible attraction to someone at first, but true love means long-term attraction, the kind inside and outside–someone you consider your best friend, as well as your lover.Thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!

—————

Hey R Dub!,

I have known my ex boyfriend for three years now, and I am in love with him.  He tells me he loves me to.  The only problem is he lives in a diffrent city about an hour away from where I live.  And we are both the jelous type.  So we have a hard time trusting each other completely.  I would want to get back with him but I’m not so sure I should.  I just dont want to get hurt.  What do you suggest?
Ale
Tucson, AZ******Hi Ale,You should ask yourself these questions:1) Can I control my jealousy?
2) Can I deal with his jealousy?
3) Because of the distance, how often would he and I see eachother, and could he and I handle being apart for long periods of
time?Some long distance relationships can work, but many can’t.  It could be something beautiful, but then again, it could also be a waste of time. Take your time and weigh your options before you make a commitment.

Thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!

—————

Dear R Dub!,

I have friend that has a brother who I’m starting to have feelings for, but I don’t want to say anything because his sister is a really good friend of mine. Her brother and I get along great.  I can talk to him about anything and he listens to me.  He would be great boyfriend material but I don’t want to hurt anyone.  What should I do?

anonymous
merced,CA

******

Dear Anonymous,

Wow–that’s a crazy scenario.  I think if your friend is as good of a friend as you make her out to be, she’ll understand.  Why don’t you tell her first, and see what she has to say about everything.  If she’s a real friend, she’ll understand–and maybe even try to help with the hookup!

Thanks for Slow Jammin’,R Dub!—————Dear R Dub!,Why is it that I can never find a guy that likes me for what I am and not for what I look like?  I am a young girl that wants something serious but, it seems like no one takes me serious.  WHY?[no name given]

*****

Hey there,

I feel ya.  Just know that everything happens for a reason.  If the time isn’t right, it just isn’t right.  There were times in my life when all I wanted was a girlfriend and it seemed like I was never going to find love.  But keep this is mind:  you can’t find
love…it finds you!

Thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!

—————
Dear R Dub!,I have been with my girlfriend for almost a year now.  I love her with all my heart, and I swear, this relationship is almost perfect.  There’s only one problem, and that’s her friends.  She has a couple friends that are constantly telling her bad things about me.  They tell her that I’m a player and they’ve even made up stories about me that are completely untrue.  The worst thing is, I’ve never even met her friends in my life!  I love my girlfriend with all my heart and I would never do anything to hurt her.  Why are her friends doing this when they don’t even know me?  I’m a good guy, and it’s wrong that her friends are making up stories about me.  I just don’t get it.  What should I do?Raul
Yakima, WA*****Raul,Welcome to the world of player haters.  People can be vicious.  They see someone in a relationship they wish they had and they don’t know anything else to do except to try to cause drama.  I believe that your girlfriend’s friends are jealous of her–jealous that she is in a great relationship and has a great guy like you.  They probably don’t have boyfriends and it is eating them up inside that your girlfriend is so happy.  My advice is to just ignore them.  Keep being the best boyfriend you can be and treat your lady like a queen.  Let her know you’re down for her and only her, and that if her friends are telling her lies, they aren’t real friends.  Actions speak louder than words–if your girl is the right one for you, she won’t let the jealous people ruin what you two have.  I’m going to play “They Don’t Know” by Jon B. and dedicate to your girl from you.  Tell her to listen to the words.

Thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!

—————

Dear R Dub!,

I have been seeing this guy for a few months now and I’m really feelin’ him.  We hang out a lot, and he takes me out on the weekends.  I think he likes me a lot too, but it bothers me that he has so many female friends.  He is always getting calls from girls on his cell phone, and they have even showed up at his house when we were together.  I don’t know what to say, but it makes me uncomfortable.  Should I say something, or just stay quiet?  I don’t want to scare him, but I also want him all to myself.  Help!

Marissa
Las Cruces, NM

******

Marissa,

Hmmm.  That’s a tough one.  Is this guy officially your boyfriend, or are you still in the “getting to know eachother phase?”  If he is your boyfriend, I think you should tell him how you feel.  On the other hand, if no real commitment has been made bewteen you two yet, you can’t be too hard on him.  Tell him how much you care for him, and try to get a guage on how strong his feelings are for you, then play it by ear.  Sometimes it’s easy to scare us guys away.  Tell him your concerns, without being demanding.  Leave the ball in his court.

Thanks for Slow Jammin’,

R Dub!

Got a question for R Dub?  E-mail him here!  Don’t forget to tell him what city and state you are in!

About R Dub!

Host, producer and creator of Sunday Night Slow Jams, R Dub! started the show when he was just 16 years old, at a tiny AM radio station in the middle of the desert. Today, Sunday Night Slow Jams is heard on over 200 radio stations in 14 countries. When he's not Slow Jammin' stateside, R Dub! can probably be found on an airplane headed somewhere new: his goal is to see all 193 nations on earth, and he's already seen over 140. Read R Dub!'s full story HERE.

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